bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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