I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So. Much. Porn.
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