then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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