we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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