seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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