How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
