Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
