you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
