In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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