Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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