they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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