I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
