You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
