I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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