Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
