Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We were destined to go to rehab together
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
