We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
