Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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