drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Randomize
