Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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