Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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