No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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