that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
