I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
