so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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