I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
