its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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