Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
