Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
