so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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