you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
