whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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