wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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