I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
