I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
