dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i out mim tonsoeep
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
