The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
