I just saw a hot homeless man
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
