i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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