my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
