If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
