Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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