how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
