I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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