shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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