I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
