So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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