So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
