The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
