whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
