we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
