he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
