His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
