Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's great music for shaving your balls
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Vodka?
Forever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
