I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
