they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
