I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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