So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
