i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
