yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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