His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
