nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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