Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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