My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Terrible idea I love it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
