I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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