Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
