doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
