in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
can u get pink eye on your cock?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
