People in love make me want to vomit
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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