Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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