PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
