just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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