I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
