Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
