You don't have asthma, your pregnant
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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