The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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