I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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