WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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