I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
A+ Viking dick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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