he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
