i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
