Can Purell be used as lube?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
